I want to share my pain (feelings) that I tried to bury for so many years that were caused by growing up in the dysfunction of problem drinkers.
I had a hard time trusting, as they would say one thing and do another. I never knew what was expected of me. I only knew if I did something they did not like, I was in trouble. It was never consistent. Most times it was unreasonable on their part. My guts were in knots most days.
I grew up, left home when I was young, married, had children and thought all that was behind me, but the pain and confusion was still with me. So I went around with a smile on my face. If asked how things were going, of course the answer was always just fine....while crying on the inside.
I finally found the doors to Al-Anon and found out that I was what is called, “Adult Children of Alcoholics.” I found out, it is not their fault it is a disease. They triggered their disease when they drank too much, too often, but we as children are affected family members. We are also affected by both parents....here I thought I was the sane one.
If they would only stop drinking everything would be okay. If I just loved them enough, I could make them well. I came into Al-Anon feeling justified, it’s all their fault, I was sad, lonely and physically sick.
I also had given up on my God. He wasn’t making things better. Heaven knows I prayed hard enough. I kept the family together. I was told to just keep coming back and you will hear what you need to hear. You are in the right place. We too have had those awful feelings.
Read your literature, call other members when you are ready and you will find out about the disease and how much more I was affected...too much to write in this short column.
If you recognize any of this, come join us at Hope Lutheran Church in Wautoma every Wednesday at 6 p.m. or every Monday at noon. Hope to see you there.
Peace to you,