Just as the problem drinkers often deny their drinking problems, I found that I was denying my problems also.
I learned to pretend, to deny. Oh no, everything is okay, in fact, it was good. I can handle this. I was living in denial without being aware of it. I found it to be a coping tool.
I was living such a double life. During the day being out and about I would have this smile on my face, acting like we were all doing well emotionally. I was living a double life. As I could not be honest with myself.
I denied my feelings. I couldn’t even be honest with myself. Smile during the day and cry at night in seclusion. Then feeling the shame of it all.
I went to Al-Anon and heard about denial. That it is a symptom of the disease of alcoholism. Deny, deny, deny. I hid my pain, covered up, lied for, pretended that, acted as if everything were okay. I was even dishonest with myself.
As they would speak on how they denied, I heard my story, over and over again. I knew I was in the right place. I could tell as they shared themselves, it helped me heal. As I was doing the same kind of things.
I am so grateful that I was led to Al-Anon, as I can finally live in my own skin and know my strengths and my weaknesses.
Won’t you come join us? We meet at Hope Lutheran Church in Wautoma every Monday at noon and every Wednesday evening at 6:30. See you there.
Peace to you,