Before joining Al-Anon, I did not consciously realize that I had choices. I knew the problem drinker did: to drink or not to drink. I thought a good mom and wife’s job was to stick with them and get them out of the jams they got themselves into during their drinking episodes.
Each time a crisis arose, I would say yes and do what I could to get them off the hook. Each time I thought they had learned their lesson and it would not happen again. I would be so upset because crisis came more often, we fought more, I felt there was no way out.
If affected the whole family and I was not strong enough to say no and go up against them...thinking they would not love me if I did not comply...never realizing, they did not respect me the way it was. I became physically sick and I could no longer do it and someone took me to my first meeting.
I walked into that first meeting and immediately wanted what they had. They would encourage me to keep coming back. I heard about the difference between helping and enabling. I was enabling, but not aware that is what I was doing. After all I am a good mom and wife.