After getting into Al-Anon I also learned about, “erasing old tapes,” I did not have a clue what that meant. As members were sharing their experience, strength and hope with the group, I recognized some of what they were saying....I too was told...I was stupid, I was ugly, I couldn’t do anything right, shut up, they didn’t want to hear what I had to say. I was not the only one told that. The others were too.
The problem drinker and also my mom did not protect us from those statements and when they were angry they both said it to my siblings too.
When I left home those statements plagued me. When I did or said the wrong thing I immediately would call myself stupid. And would beat myself up. No wonder God did not love me. I was too stupid and ugly for Him to love me. I carried those with me and said those same things to my children even though I swore I was going to raise mine differently. Their siblings would say that to their siblings and it is generational.
Al-Anon has taught me that I needed to learn to “erase those old tapes.” I learned new ways. I am good enough. I am not stupid. I may do or say something stupid, but I am not stupid. I would say those to myself when I was beating myself up, until I was finally believe it and my confidence grew. If someone called me a chair....well, I knew I wasn’t a chair and it was easier for me to let it go. We learn to “let it go.” So when a loved one would say one of those statements, I could just smile to myself and let it go.
We learn to let a lot of things go that I always took as a challenge...or cry. Not anymore, because it is not true. It made a difference to the problem drinker also, as he saw it no longer worked to call me names. I have learned so much in Al-Anon that I can’t get it all in an article.
Won’t you come join us for 6 meetings, at least give it a try? We meet at Hope Lutheran Church, Wautoma every Monday at noon and Wednesday evening at 6:30 p.m. Look forward to seeing you there.
Peace of the program to you,