But he only drinks. How many times I have said that to myself. That was my rationale. He can’t have alcoholic tendencies, it’s only beer.
I would hear the pop and the fizz of the beer can being opened and I would cringe knowing that my heart rate was going faster and I no longer could think.
I would be upset because I knew trouble was brewing and either he would stay home and drink, argue with me or go out and drink at the bar. It was so predictable. Same old, same old, either way there would be trouble. I was scared, yet could do nothing about either problem that would come about.
I could not relax because he would pop those cans one after another until it would get the better of me and I could not keep my mouth shut. I would have thought that I would learn after a few times, but I always thought “this time will be different.”
After years of the same scenario I finally got into Al-Anon. Here I was with people like myself. I would listen and nod my head in agreement.
I learned it was help for me even though I didn’t think I needed help. I kept going back because I wanted what they had. They were at peace with it and I wanted that for me. I no longer wanted to be so fearful.
The only two feelings I could identify were anger and fear. I was fear based and it was difficult for me to overcome. But, in time, by just the Al-Anon saying “Keep coming back,” doing my readings and talking to others that I started feeling better. I learned so many things to help myself and get off his back. Then I kept going to learn more about myself and still do.
Won’t you come join us and hear about ways to help yourselves? Look forward to meeting you. We meet every Monday at noon and every Wednesday evening at 6:30 at Hope Lutheran Church in Wautoma.
See you there,